Monday, August 6, 2012
i am
Monday, May 21, 2012
colloquy
at midnight
in the silence of the night
VIA: Lord, please help me...
GOD: what it is my child?
VIA: i'm in difficulty there are so many things i don't understand.
GOD: what are those things?
VIA: (pours out her heart)i'm confused.
GOD: that's good.
VIA: what?!
GOD: it is good that you don't understand and now you are confused.
VIA: why is that so?
GOD: you analyze too much, i want you to feel.
VIA: why do want me to feel?
GOD: because the truth is in your heart.
VIA: i am afraid.
GOD: courage is not the absence of fear, it is the ability to trust and risk amidst uncertainties and doubts.
VIA: (silence)what do you want me to do now
GOD: embrace all... be brave
VIA: no comment
GOD: hahaha.
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Dear You,
Nanatiling nagtatanong kung kumusta ako. Walang sawang nagpapaalala sa mga mumunting bagay na kadalasan ipinagwawalang bahala ko. Hindi napapagod na mag antabay ano man ang kwento at kakaibang nangyari sa araw ko. Nagtatanong ng mga tanong na minsan mahirap matanto, napapaisip tuloy ako. Kadalasan naman ngiti ang dala ng mga sinasabi mo.
Marahil ilang buwan na rin ang lumipas simula ng umpisahan natin ang paghabi ng kwento ng ating buhay. Hindi ko alam kung paano nangyari. Aaminin ko unti-unti mong binago ang ikot ng mundo, para bang ipinakilala mong muli ako sa aking sarili at hinayaang yakapin ng buo ang mga nangyayari.
Mahirap magbago ng perspektibo lalo na kung ang patutunguhan ay hindi alam at walang kasiguraduhan. Lalong mahirap kasi alam kung masaya na ako dati pa at ang imbitasyon para maging mas masaya ay hindi ko kilala. Siguro ito ang tawag ng panahon sa akin at sa grasya ng Panginoon ikaw ang hinayaan nyang makasama ko sa ganitong pagkakataon.
Paumanhin kung minsan tamad ako makipagusap, may pagkakataon na mataray at malamig makitungo. Mahirap yakapin ang mga pagbabago, lalo na sa akin na matigas ang ulo. Salamat sa pasensya at walang patid na pang unawa.
Sa ngayon hindi ko pa alam ang musika ng aking puso, pero salamat sa mga awitin mo. Hayaan mo sa mga darating na mga araw, malalaman ko rin at mapangangatawanan ko rin ang aking desisyon at tugon. Sana ay patuloy kang nariyan, malay mo---maging tayo. Hahaha! ♥, Via, SF
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Dear George,
For all the sparks that had been ignited in the past and at present still, I don’t understand all of them. There are so many things that I want to clarify, but I don't know how. Here are several questions I hope one day, I’ll be brave enough to ask you…
● Paano ka ba nagkaroon ng cellphone number ko? ‘Di mo kasi inaaamin kung bakit at paano ka nagkaroon nun (bago pa tyo naging magkaibigan).
● Alam mo ba, two years ago sabi nila (ng mga kaibigan ko) sweet daw tayo kapag magkasama, akala nga nila nililigawan mo ako, ano comment mo?
● Ano ba ang status mo ngayon at ang plano mo tungkol dito?
● Lately, mamimiss ko yung dating tayo, pero takot din akong bumalik dun, kasi dami nating pagkakaiba saka komplikasyon, ikaw ba namimiss mo din?
● Alam mo bang minsan kinikilig ako sa’yo, hindi ko alam kung bakit at ano ang gagawin ko, ano masasabi mo?
You’re one of the most complex man I’ve known in my life, you’re mysterious and unpredictable. We do not have anything in common. I do not really know you. But one thing, when you’re there I'm a certified SF, and I think you are too.
Babadapbadap *wink*
Salamat ha araw-araw mo napapasaya ang puso ko hehe...
Let’s see,
Via
● Paano ka ba nagkaroon ng cellphone number ko? ‘Di mo kasi inaaamin kung bakit at paano ka nagkaroon nun (bago pa tyo naging magkaibigan).
● Alam mo ba, two years ago sabi nila (ng mga kaibigan ko) sweet daw tayo kapag magkasama, akala nga nila nililigawan mo ako, ano comment mo?
● Ano ba ang status mo ngayon at ang plano mo tungkol dito?
● Lately, mamimiss ko yung dating tayo, pero takot din akong bumalik dun, kasi dami nating pagkakaiba saka komplikasyon, ikaw ba namimiss mo din?
● Alam mo bang minsan kinikilig ako sa’yo, hindi ko alam kung bakit at ano ang gagawin ko, ano masasabi mo?
You’re one of the most complex man I’ve known in my life, you’re mysterious and unpredictable. We do not have anything in common. I do not really know you. But one thing, when you’re there I'm a certified SF, and I think you are too.
Babadapbadap *wink*
Salamat ha araw-araw mo napapasaya ang puso ko hehe...
Let’s see,
Via
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
ikaw na
May naibahagi ako kay kuya ilong ranger na kwento. Tuwang-tuwa sya at halos 'di na makahinga (imagine sa ilong nyang yun, kinulang ng hangin hehe). Ako din ang puso ko 'di lang lumulukso parang drop fall ang feeling. Hindi ako kinikilig, major major super duper kilig.
Nag sulat si kuya ng tula s fb, feeling ko masyado api yung isang character, kaya gumawa din ako ng tula bilang kasagutan.
para kay George, ang IKAW ni Via
waaah
Ikaw
Na sa isang sulyap lang, hatid ay kiliti sa aking puso,
Ngiti lang mula sa’yo buo na ang araw ko
At saglit na panahon ika’y maka-usap parang ako’y nasa ulap…
Ikaw
Na sobrang tahimik at ‘di masyado palakaibigan
Ang ugali at personalidad mo na kakaiba
Bihirang tumawa at hindi mahilig gumala…
Ikaw
na kapag kasama ko--
may kakaibang tibok ang aking puso
may bighaning taglay na sorpresang nararamdaman
ngunit sa mahika mong dala, ang puso ko ay sobrang masaya…
salamat sa ligayang hatid mo sa buhay ko
'di ako magsasawa, sana manatili kang--IKAW.
Nag sulat si kuya ng tula s fb, feeling ko masyado api yung isang character, kaya gumawa din ako ng tula bilang kasagutan.
para kay George, ang IKAW ni Via
waaah
Ikaw
Na sa isang sulyap lang, hatid ay kiliti sa aking puso,
Ngiti lang mula sa’yo buo na ang araw ko
At saglit na panahon ika’y maka-usap parang ako’y nasa ulap…
Ikaw
Na sobrang tahimik at ‘di masyado palakaibigan
Ang ugali at personalidad mo na kakaiba
Bihirang tumawa at hindi mahilig gumala…
Ikaw
na kapag kasama ko--
may kakaibang tibok ang aking puso
may bighaning taglay na sorpresang nararamdaman
ngunit sa mahika mong dala, ang puso ko ay sobrang masaya…
salamat sa ligayang hatid mo sa buhay ko
'di ako magsasawa, sana manatili kang--IKAW.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
heart journey
Dearest February,
I was taken by surprise by the brand new year. I started a special journey last month. Up to this day I am still a pilgrim.
A traveler in search for meaning about the stirrings within, grappling to make sense of things, trying to appreciate the path I’m taking, reconsidering my choices and searching for answers.
Yes, I am discerning.
I know that my prayers are being heard and acted upon by God. But I think He wants me to dwell in this moment of uncertainty and vulnerability. His invitation at this point is to let go of my usual too analytical self and be free of my sigurista personality.
To be honest, this is tough. But it seems that after eight weeks, I’m getting used to it.
Still there is fear but there is more openness. I’m still struggling in my response but there is a deeper appreciation. I have accomplished something but there is much more to be desired.
I will be brave. I will be strong. I am always grateful for the chance to feel how to be human--fully alive, deeply loved and capable of growth.
Thank you for your days and nights that brought me to where I am now—ready for March.
One happy pilgrim,
Heartbeats
PS
Thank you dear companion, it is the grace of your presence and the generosity of your disposition that make this journey worthwhile. I hope one day we will have the deepest desire of our hearts.
I was taken by surprise by the brand new year. I started a special journey last month. Up to this day I am still a pilgrim.
A traveler in search for meaning about the stirrings within, grappling to make sense of things, trying to appreciate the path I’m taking, reconsidering my choices and searching for answers.
Yes, I am discerning.
I know that my prayers are being heard and acted upon by God. But I think He wants me to dwell in this moment of uncertainty and vulnerability. His invitation at this point is to let go of my usual too analytical self and be free of my sigurista personality.
To be honest, this is tough. But it seems that after eight weeks, I’m getting used to it.
Still there is fear but there is more openness. I’m still struggling in my response but there is a deeper appreciation. I have accomplished something but there is much more to be desired.
I will be brave. I will be strong. I am always grateful for the chance to feel how to be human--fully alive, deeply loved and capable of growth.
Thank you for your days and nights that brought me to where I am now—ready for March.
One happy pilgrim,
Heartbeats
PS
Thank you dear companion, it is the grace of your presence and the generosity of your disposition that make this journey worthwhile. I hope one day we will have the deepest desire of our hearts.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Dearest January,
I had a real blast last year. I had the best of year 2011. I received countless blessings. I fulfilled a lot of dreams. Many opportunities came my way.
I welcomed 2012 with a thankful heart. I vowed to celebrate life every day. I committed myself that I will be brave to embrace the graces and opportunities God will give me.
I have great plans for 2012. My travels. My RDL retreat. My crazy 20 of 12. My career endeavors. And more. I am ready for life.
But I guess life is more ready for me.
Prayers of my prayer warriors had been heard. I received a gift that I never expected, planned or desired. With fears I welcomed the opportunity to open the door to something that is unfamiliar, unknown and definitely I cannot rationalize.
True, as I welcome this chance, I am going out of my comfort zone. I am opening the possibility to either change or re-affirm my previous decisions. I am allowing myself to detach from my subjective inclinations and biases.
I am reconsidering my choices. I am searching for answers. I am looking for meaning.
I have my fears, my doubts, my discomfort to the ambiguity of things, my questions to the possibilities. I cried many times because of this. All of them are tears of surrender. I am not giving up, but I am submitting myself to fully discern about this matter.
To be honest, my heart is happy I am enjoying every step in this journey to discovery. Each unfolding moment brings joy that I can’t name nor measure. Side by side with happiness and joy, I face each day with difficulty, I have to unlearn many things, I have to let go of some old ways. I have to die to my old self, and give birth to a new.
About this matter, I don’t have game plans, no theoretical framework, no experiments, no expectations.
Only prayers.
And one genuine desire to go through this discernment journey.
I am taking my time, basking in the grace of the moment, relishing in the here and now, where my God wants me to be.
As I said goodbye to you to welcome February, I thank you for the surprises. With you, this year already made its mark to be unforgettable.
Sincerely,
Heartbeats
I welcomed 2012 with a thankful heart. I vowed to celebrate life every day. I committed myself that I will be brave to embrace the graces and opportunities God will give me.
I have great plans for 2012. My travels. My RDL retreat. My crazy 20 of 12. My career endeavors. And more. I am ready for life.
But I guess life is more ready for me.
Prayers of my prayer warriors had been heard. I received a gift that I never expected, planned or desired. With fears I welcomed the opportunity to open the door to something that is unfamiliar, unknown and definitely I cannot rationalize.
True, as I welcome this chance, I am going out of my comfort zone. I am opening the possibility to either change or re-affirm my previous decisions. I am allowing myself to detach from my subjective inclinations and biases.
I am reconsidering my choices. I am searching for answers. I am looking for meaning.
I have my fears, my doubts, my discomfort to the ambiguity of things, my questions to the possibilities. I cried many times because of this. All of them are tears of surrender. I am not giving up, but I am submitting myself to fully discern about this matter.
To be honest, my heart is happy I am enjoying every step in this journey to discovery. Each unfolding moment brings joy that I can’t name nor measure. Side by side with happiness and joy, I face each day with difficulty, I have to unlearn many things, I have to let go of some old ways. I have to die to my old self, and give birth to a new.
About this matter, I don’t have game plans, no theoretical framework, no experiments, no expectations.
Only prayers.
And one genuine desire to go through this discernment journey.
I am taking my time, basking in the grace of the moment, relishing in the here and now, where my God wants me to be.
As I said goodbye to you to welcome February, I thank you for the surprises. With you, this year already made its mark to be unforgettable.
Sincerely,
Heartbeats
Thursday, January 5, 2012
20 of 12
Here is how I would like to spend my 2012
They are additional items to my bucket list, my crazy 20 of 12
1. Participate in 12 running events. I'm planning to accomplish a full marathon (42km). I also want to run for a cause, given the opportunity. I will wear my personalized bib (RUNNING HAPPY. LIVING FREE. LOVING MORE.), every time.
2. Attend 12 weddings. Among my friends and relatives it will be impossible to reach that number (not many of them will get married by 2012) So I'm planning to gate crash if necessary to complete the target hahaha!
3. Celebrate 12 birthdays. I will celebrate birthdays of other people in special way with birthday cake, birthday cap and banners.
4. Collect 12 Starbucks tumblers. I'll be happy to have a dozen more, an addition to my collection (sb tumbler gifts are still accepted).
5. Treat 12 special people I would love to share special moments with special people (places and persons are of my choice).
6. No carbo-day for 12 days in one year Once a month voluntary hunger strike! I hope I will be able to sustain and survive!
7. Drink soft drinks for only 12 days in a year. I will consume 1 liter each day, para sulit hahaha!
8. Learn to cook 12 dishes. At lutuin ito ng masarap at sana magustuhan din ng iba.
9. Adventure travel to 12 tourist destinations in the Philippines It will be a back pack adventure travel/s, maximum of Php1,000.00 a day. I will spend lazy and carefree days in the mountains, seas, islands and air (with travel buddies). Indeed IT'S MORE FUN IN THE PHILIPPINES (gandang pilipinas continues!)
10. Read 12 classic novels. I asked a friend to recommend books to read. My target is to finish at least 1 book per month. It will definitely be a good time.
11. Watch 12 classic movies. I still don't have any ideas what movies. Can you recommend some?
12. Eat 12 exotic dishes I want to taste--something nakakaiba, kahit hindi masarap basta walang lason. It will be very challenging!
13. Text 12 persons each day. Super tamad akong magtext but I really would like to do it. I want to give them something to smile about.
14. Be productive at work and in life at least 12 hours every day. I give my best hours at work. I give my best in life.
15.I will place 12 bets in different games/lottery. I hope to win and become rich! I'll start searching for my lucky numbers.
16. I will save 12 pesos each day. At the end of the year, i will spend it. I don't have any idea yet as to what and for whom.
17. Learn and sing 12 songs. Kakanta ako at kakantahan kita. Iduduyan ko ang puso mo sa musika!
18. Pray for 12 persons every day. I will pray for their special intentions. I hope that in my little way I'll be of help in the fulfillment of their hearts' desire.
19. Celebrate 12 moonlights and sunshines. I will embrace life with a brave heart, I will discern, risk and love.
20. Learn, love and live the next 12 months while--running happy, living free, loving more, embracing life and thanking God.
there is only desire that fuels everything--
that is to take each moment, live each time,
journey each step to be closer...
+amdg+
(image is from prlog.org)
They are additional items to my bucket list, my crazy 20 of 12
1. Participate in 12 running events. I'm planning to accomplish a full marathon (42km). I also want to run for a cause, given the opportunity. I will wear my personalized bib (RUNNING HAPPY. LIVING FREE. LOVING MORE.), every time.
2. Attend 12 weddings. Among my friends and relatives it will be impossible to reach that number (not many of them will get married by 2012) So I'm planning to gate crash if necessary to complete the target hahaha!
3. Celebrate 12 birthdays. I will celebrate birthdays of other people in special way with birthday cake, birthday cap and banners.
4. Collect 12 Starbucks tumblers. I'll be happy to have a dozen more, an addition to my collection (sb tumbler gifts are still accepted).
5. Treat 12 special people I would love to share special moments with special people (places and persons are of my choice).
6. No carbo-day for 12 days in one year Once a month voluntary hunger strike! I hope I will be able to sustain and survive!
7. Drink soft drinks for only 12 days in a year. I will consume 1 liter each day, para sulit hahaha!
8. Learn to cook 12 dishes. At lutuin ito ng masarap at sana magustuhan din ng iba.
9. Adventure travel to 12 tourist destinations in the Philippines It will be a back pack adventure travel/s, maximum of Php1,000.00 a day. I will spend lazy and carefree days in the mountains, seas, islands and air (with travel buddies). Indeed IT'S MORE FUN IN THE PHILIPPINES (gandang pilipinas continues!)
10. Read 12 classic novels. I asked a friend to recommend books to read. My target is to finish at least 1 book per month. It will definitely be a good time.
11. Watch 12 classic movies. I still don't have any ideas what movies. Can you recommend some?
12. Eat 12 exotic dishes I want to taste--something nakakaiba, kahit hindi masarap basta walang lason. It will be very challenging!
13. Text 12 persons each day. Super tamad akong magtext but I really would like to do it. I want to give them something to smile about.
14. Be productive at work and in life at least 12 hours every day. I give my best hours at work. I give my best in life.
15.I will place 12 bets in different games/lottery. I hope to win and become rich! I'll start searching for my lucky numbers.
16. I will save 12 pesos each day. At the end of the year, i will spend it. I don't have any idea yet as to what and for whom.
17. Learn and sing 12 songs. Kakanta ako at kakantahan kita. Iduduyan ko ang puso mo sa musika!
18. Pray for 12 persons every day. I will pray for their special intentions. I hope that in my little way I'll be of help in the fulfillment of their hearts' desire.
19. Celebrate 12 moonlights and sunshines. I will embrace life with a brave heart, I will discern, risk and love.
20. Learn, love and live the next 12 months while--running happy, living free, loving more, embracing life and thanking God.
there is only desire that fuels everything--
that is to take each moment, live each time,
journey each step to be closer...
+amdg+
(image is from prlog.org)
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
High jumps 2011
I had a great year 2011. My heart is happy and for endless reasons I am truly thankful. Let me site some:
Roadruns. Countless morning jogging, 4 fun runs, 1 national race and 1 international marathon. My biggest achievement was my half marathon (21km). I’m looking forward to finish my first full marathon. Aja! I was also privileged to run with great runners.
Travels.
My Gandang Pilipinas adventure was in full bloom! Sagada adventure. Manila mania. Albay escape. Cavite road trip. Batangas challenge. Sorsogon hike. More places to reach, more adventures to enjoy, more trips to take. Thank you travel buddies and strangers I met along the road.
Starbucks and tea times.
Great stories. Genuine friendship. Real treasure. I am deeply thankful. I got three SB planner this year (spruce)—for myself, running warrior and summer.
The Big Bangs.
New work assignment. Birthdays. Weddings. Family affairs. Parties. Glamour and beauty. Surprises and expectations. Fantasies and realities. They took my breath away and flew me to the moon.
Heart connections.
Witches (happier-stronger @15 years—more kids and warlocks to come!), Foursome (thank you for the prayer sundates, XOXO), SuperB at old friends (im happy to grow old with you), Residents of Pooh -old and new(my heart finds home in you), Reserved Bachelors*(going beyond the distance, Gracias ♥) Thursday people (thank you for the company and everything)and more (for the dosages of love and comfort of presence).
My Moon and my Stars.
Sunshine (I’m happy for your perpetual yes); Summer (Our prayers had been heard, now everything is in place. Thank you for the love). Mr Heart (let us take one step at a time, getting closer and closer, thank you for everything). Angel Gabriel (Thank you for the moonlights). Green Lantern (Thank you for bringing beautiful sparks in my life). Dahil sa inyo abnormal ang tibok ng aking puso. Babadapbadap♥♥♥
My Lovelines.
Beyond distance and changing times your love and support made me see the beauty in simplest thing, the joy in the plainest gesture and the graces in the ordinary. To the moon and back I love too much.
Moontime.
Moments of solitude-- to be silent and listen to the stirrings within. Days of retreat and prayer to look into the greatness in nothingness and emptiness in perfection. To explore, to cry alone, to laugh in silence, to be sorry to be thankful. To be naughty. To dream. To win. To lose. To risk. To live. To Love. To let go. And love again.
My God.
I feel His eyes looking at me. His hands embracing me. His heart loving me. I received many blessings, sacrificed some. I experienced abundance of happiness, endured some pains. For everything that You gave me, All of me is yours.
Cheers to love and life. Well done 2011!
+AMDG+
Roadruns. Countless morning jogging, 4 fun runs, 1 national race and 1 international marathon. My biggest achievement was my half marathon (21km). I’m looking forward to finish my first full marathon. Aja! I was also privileged to run with great runners.
Travels.
My Gandang Pilipinas adventure was in full bloom! Sagada adventure. Manila mania. Albay escape. Cavite road trip. Batangas challenge. Sorsogon hike. More places to reach, more adventures to enjoy, more trips to take. Thank you travel buddies and strangers I met along the road.
Starbucks and tea times.
Great stories. Genuine friendship. Real treasure. I am deeply thankful. I got three SB planner this year (spruce)—for myself, running warrior and summer.
The Big Bangs.
New work assignment. Birthdays. Weddings. Family affairs. Parties. Glamour and beauty. Surprises and expectations. Fantasies and realities. They took my breath away and flew me to the moon.
Heart connections.
Witches (happier-stronger @15 years—more kids and warlocks to come!), Foursome (thank you for the prayer sundates, XOXO), SuperB at old friends (im happy to grow old with you), Residents of Pooh -old and new(my heart finds home in you), Reserved Bachelors*(going beyond the distance, Gracias ♥) Thursday people (thank you for the company and everything)and more (for the dosages of love and comfort of presence).
My Moon and my Stars.
Sunshine (I’m happy for your perpetual yes); Summer (Our prayers had been heard, now everything is in place. Thank you for the love). Mr Heart (let us take one step at a time, getting closer and closer, thank you for everything). Angel Gabriel (Thank you for the moonlights). Green Lantern (Thank you for bringing beautiful sparks in my life). Dahil sa inyo abnormal ang tibok ng aking puso. Babadapbadap♥♥♥
My Lovelines.
Beyond distance and changing times your love and support made me see the beauty in simplest thing, the joy in the plainest gesture and the graces in the ordinary. To the moon and back I love too much.
Moontime.
Moments of solitude-- to be silent and listen to the stirrings within. Days of retreat and prayer to look into the greatness in nothingness and emptiness in perfection. To explore, to cry alone, to laugh in silence, to be sorry to be thankful. To be naughty. To dream. To win. To lose. To risk. To live. To Love. To let go. And love again.
My God.
I feel His eyes looking at me. His hands embracing me. His heart loving me. I received many blessings, sacrificed some. I experienced abundance of happiness, endured some pains. For everything that You gave me, All of me is yours.
Cheers to love and life. Well done 2011!
+AMDG+
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