18.VII.2010y

Wohooow! another Wednesday!

I started my day early. Despite the cloudy sky at dawn,
I had a sweaty road run downtown.
I attended the morning Mass at the school chapel,
and proceeded to the café for a hearty breakfast shared with a friend
One of my favorite song tuned up the music for the day —swept away.

I went to the office with smiles and excitement for the day ahead.

The lines woven in the pdi article I read two Sundays ago keep on repeating inside my mind specially when I learned last night that a gentleman sent a reply to the letter, of which I look forward of reading the soonest possible time.
I had a soft copy of the “she letter”, got it from the pdi website but I what I want to read is the “he letter”. Too bad, I missed the newspaper last Sunday due to a volunteer work in the upland barangay. This letter-struck moments maybe encouraged by Ms. Honey’s tagged in the fb note or the conversation with Mr. Kua last night or maybe the idea floated during breakfast to discuss it in his class today.
True to his plan, Mr Kua brought me the “she letter” article cut out from the newspaper and requested me to write it in manila papers for his class. He showed me the “he letter” yet refused to let me read it.
As I began writing the “she letter” I found it uncomfortable to write in my own desk so I went to another office. I’ve written every word of the letter in three and one fourth pieces of manila paper in the solitude of pooh corner.
Little did I know that as I rewrite the letter it would stir something within me, creating new waves of swirls that I can’t explain yet brought some degree of excitement within that I can’t name.

Waaaah.

The stirrings inspired to write my own version of the "she letter".

Dearest You,

I admit that unlike many, I did not spent many hours searching, asking and dreaming about who you are, what do you do and where you are? Not that I do not like the idea of you but maybe because my priorities do not include the subject of you. I admit for many years I never gave much attention if you really exist or the possibility of your presence in my life.

Inspired by the two love letters I read, allow me to write this article. Pardon me for I will not be able to write assurances as to how I will love you the way she did but let me share something about myself. Hopefully, this will be relevant information that you might find reasonable to consider if the chance of weaving the story of us become possible or probable. Just in case, as need arises.

I am a positive person, care free, candid and spontaneous. Changes and surprises give me excitement. I have the streak of being an OC. I choose carefully my battles and weave carefully my strategic plans. I discern my choices, options and opportunities. There are also times that I have negative feelings about myself, settle for mediocrity and indifferent to changes. Sometimes, I am impatient, impulsive and stubborn.Sometime in the future maybe, you and I will be better than who we are now. Hopefully by that time, our differences will highlight opportunities of compromise that even in our lights and shadows we can create beautiful fusion.

All my life I’ve been raised in a protective love shield by my family of which I am deeply grateful. I do not have MMK episodes in my life story, yet I know the realities of life’s drama. There had been few selected moments that put my strengths into test but then I believe that there is courage in me that makes me strong to transcend during era of difficulties. Brokenness, rejection and loneliness seldom occur in my life yet I trust myself not to crumble in testing times. There are days that I soaked in tears, I curled in solitude, I doubt and I fail; but then I hold on to hope that all shall pass by and I can make it.When our time comes, I hope that we will be both emotionally mature to be real to our emotions, we may have vulnerabilities and shortcomings but I pray that we bring out always the best in each other.

I am blessed to have known many good friends through the years and I nurture clusters of genuine friendship. I treasure friendship built on trust and openness. I am not specifically attached to them but I value genuine connections of lives and hearts. I had given my heart totally to love once, experienced the pain of letting go and survived the struggle of moving on. I beleive, I am whole again. I turned down two opportunities to love again because of fear, personality differences and non-negotiable terms. Now, I believe that I learned from all of them. I don’t have regrets, indeed all is grace. You may not be my first love and I'm not yours, but may we be able to love another enough to make it lasts. May our hearts share the same vision and may we become the best partners in life.

I am fond of early road runs, long walks, mass every day, happy meals, tea or coffee stories and bucket list. I love to smile always. I laugh out loud and real. I have passion for light conversations, deep communications, signals and methaphoric story lines, interesting ideas, serious dialogues, strong principles, realistic convictions and heart talks. I like, air gaps, silent tranquil moments and solitary moon visits. I’m into feel-good movies, I giggle over cheesy lines, I swoon over love stories, my heart beats up during thriller films and I do not watch horror ones. My interests include reading books, psp, soccer (basketball too) and gardening (cooking?). I sing off tune but I can draw. I cannot play hula hoop yet I'm good in skipping rope. I love adventure travels and road trips. I do write, articulate my thoughts, name my emotions and listen to the stirrings within. I am responsible for my actions and committed to my passion. I am stubborn, persistent, playful, corny, sassy, eccentric and weird. I like sunshine, the moon makes my heart jump and I see myself as one of the bright stars. I am proud that I am scarred and truly beautiful. I celebrate life the way I know how and you live yours. When the probability opens that we can share a life together may we be supportive of each other and may we inspire one another. May we protect each other's interest and together, may we continue to aspire for the best.

I deeply love God. I embrace His Will, though at times with resistance and reluctance. I also love Mary, Joseph and the Saints. My life is a cycle of death and rebirth, a continuous purification. I am not perfect and will never be, but I fully embrace my fate to become the best that I can be. I commit myself to live out my essence and purpose as a person. I have great dreams and I pray to achieve all of them.

If this voyage of life leads me to you, I will be happy, by then, I will look at the moon and he will smile at me. I’ll bow my head in thanksgiving to the Maker. I will trust you my heart and will allow you to hold my hand and we will walk side by side to the path of love.

for all that will be,
I remain to be,
Me

[inspired by the column Roots and Wings, PDI, August 8 and 15, 2010. thank you Mr. Kua for the "he letter" and more for asking me to rewrite the "she letter". toinks!]