Dear George,

For all the sparks that had been ignited in the past and at present still, I don’t understand all of them. There are so many things that I want to clarify, but I don't know how. Here are several questions I hope one day, I’ll be brave enough to ask you…

● Paano ka ba nagkaroon ng cellphone number ko? ‘Di mo kasi inaaamin kung bakit at paano ka nagkaroon nun (bago pa tyo naging magkaibigan).
● Alam mo ba, two years ago sabi nila (ng mga kaibigan ko) sweet daw tayo kapag magkasama, akala nga nila nililigawan mo ako, ano comment mo?
● Ano ba ang status mo ngayon at ang plano mo tungkol dito?
● Lately, mamimiss ko yung dating tayo, pero takot din akong bumalik dun, kasi dami nating pagkakaiba saka komplikasyon, ikaw ba namimiss mo din?
● Alam mo bang minsan kinikilig ako sa’yo, hindi ko alam kung bakit at ano ang gagawin ko, ano masasabi mo?

You’re one of the most complex man I’ve known in my life, you’re mysterious and unpredictable. We do not have anything in common. I do not really know you. But one thing, when you’re there I'm a certified SF, and I think you are too.
Babadapbadap *wink*
Salamat ha araw-araw mo napapasaya ang puso ko hehe...

Let’s see,
Via

heart journey

Dearest February,

I was taken by surprise by the brand new year. I started a special journey last month. Up to this day I am still a pilgrim.
A traveler in search for meaning about the stirrings within, grappling to make sense of things, trying to appreciate the path I’m taking, reconsidering my choices and searching for answers.
Yes, I am discerning.
I know that my prayers are being heard and acted upon by God. But I think He wants me to dwell in this moment of uncertainty and vulnerability. His invitation at this point is to let go of my usual too analytical self and be free of my sigurista personality.
To be honest, this is tough. But it seems that after eight weeks, I’m getting used to it.
Still there is fear but there is more openness. I’m still struggling in my response but there is a deeper appreciation. I have accomplished something but there is much more to be desired.
I will be brave. I will be strong. I am always grateful for the chance to feel how to be human--fully alive, deeply loved and capable of growth.
Thank you for your days and nights that brought me to where I am now—ready for March.

One happy pilgrim,
Heartbeats

PS
Thank you dear companion, it is the grace of your presence and the generosity of your disposition that make this journey worthwhile. I hope one day we will have the deepest desire of our hearts.

20 of 12

Here is how I would like to spend my 2012
They are additional items to my bucket list, my crazy 20 of 12

1. Participate in 12 running events. I'm planning to accomplish a full marathon (42km). I also want to run for a cause, given the opportunity. I will wear my personalized bib (RUNNING HAPPY. LIVING FREE. LOVING MORE.), every time.
2. Attend 12 weddings. Among my friends and relatives it will be impossible to reach that number (not many of them will get married by 2012) So I'm planning to gate crash if necessary to complete the target hahaha!
3. Celebrate 12 birthdays. I will celebrate birthdays of other people in special way with birthday cake, birthday cap and banners.
4. Collect 12 Starbucks tumblers. I'll be happy to have a dozen more, an addition to my collection (sb tumbler gifts are still accepted).
5. Treat 12 special people I would love to share special moments with special people (places and persons are of my choice).
6. No carbo-day for 12 days in one year Once a month voluntary hunger strike! I hope I will be able to sustain and survive!
7. Drink soft drinks for only 12 days in a year. I will consume 1 liter each day, para sulit hahaha!
8. Learn to cook 12 dishes. At lutuin ito ng masarap at sana magustuhan din ng iba.
9. Adventure travel to 12 tourist destinations in the Philippines It will be a back pack adventure travel/s, maximum of Php1,000.00 a day. I will spend lazy and carefree days in the mountains, seas, islands and air (with travel buddies). Indeed IT'S MORE FUN IN THE PHILIPPINES (gandang pilipinas continues!)
10. Read 12 classic novels. I asked a friend to recommend books to read. My target is to finish at least 1 book per month. It will definitely be a good time.
11. Watch 12 classic movies. I still don't have any ideas what movies. Can you recommend some?
12. Eat 12 exotic dishes I want to taste--something nakakaiba, kahit hindi masarap basta walang lason. It will be very challenging!
13. Text 12 persons each day. Super tamad akong magtext but I really would like to do it. I want to give them something to smile about.
14. Be productive at work and in life at least 12 hours every day. I give my best hours at work. I give my best in life.
15.I will place 12 bets in different games/lottery. I hope to win and become rich! I'll start searching for my lucky numbers.
16. I will save 12 pesos each day. At the end of the year, i will spend it. I don't have any idea yet as to what and for whom.
17. Learn and sing 12 songs. Kakanta ako at kakantahan kita. Iduduyan ko ang puso mo sa musika!
18. Pray for 12 persons every day. I will pray for their special intentions. I hope that in my little way I'll be of help in the fulfillment of their hearts' desire.
19. Celebrate 12 moonlights and sunshines. I will embrace life with a brave heart, I will discern, risk and love.
20. Learn, love and live the next 12 months while--running happy, living free, loving more, embracing life and thanking God.

there is only desire that fuels everything--
that is to take each moment, live each time,
journey each step to be closer...
+amdg+

(image is from prlog.org)

2 months

2 months without any blog entry
maybe,
i had been hibernating
keeping my thoughts
hiding my feelings
running somewhere
flying out there
so much had happened
many are still happening...

i'm happy,
definitely back
starting a new
ready for everything...

this thought really inspires me--

“The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing, and becomes nothing. He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot
learn, feel, change, grow or love. Chained by his certitude, he is a slave; he has forfeited his freedom. Only the person who risks is truly free.” ― Leo Buscaglia

heart whisphers

Heavenly Father,
You love me and you call me every moment of my life.
You have a plan for me,
a plan that will help me grace the world
in the unique way that only I can.
Send your Spirit into my heart and mind.
Enlighten me with your wisdom
that I may come to know today
where you are calling me in life.
Give me the strength today
to answer that call
and inspire others to help me.
I make this prayer
through Christ Our Lord. Amen.

7175

You can reach me by railway, you can reach me by trail way
You can reach me on an airplane, you can reach me with your mind
You can reach me by caravan, cross the desert like an Arab man
I don't care how you get here, just- get here if you can
You can reach me by sailboat, climb a tree and swing rope to rope
Take a sled and slide down the slope, into these arms of mine
You can jump on a speedy colt, cross the border in a blaze of hope
I don't care how you get here, just- get here if you can
**There are hills and mountains between us
Always something to get over
If I had my way, then surely you would be closer
I need you closer (interlude, then repeat bridge)
You can windsurf into my life,
take me up on a carpet ride
You can make it in a big balloon,
but you better make it soon
You can reach me by caravan,
cross the desert like an Arab man
I don't care how you get here,
just- get here if you can
I don't care, I don't care,
I need you right here right now
I need you right here, right now,
right by my side (yeah,yeah, yeah, yeah)
I don't care how you get here, just- get here if you can

sa tuwing naririnig ko ang awiting ito, ikaw ang naaalala ko. August din yun di ba? ilang August na rin ang lumipas, pero sa kantang ito ikaw pa rin ang himig ko. sana patuloy kang maging masaya at walang sawang yakapin ang kahulugan ng buhay at tunay na pag-ibig. salamat sa lahat, hayaan mo balang-araw makikita rin tayo.

young l♥ve

Gaya ng dati, pagtunog ng kampana sa dapit-hapon
ang aking mga yapak ay unti-unting tinatahak ang daang palagian ng binabaybay.
Patungo kung saan umaawit ang kampana, sa Kanyang dambana.
Kaunti ang mga tao sa simbahan, tahimik at taimtim ang mga dasal.
Bago magsimula ang pagdiriwang, nakuha ang aking pansin ng isang batang lalaki
na mag-isang naglakad papasok at umupo sa unahan.
Siguro siya ay mga walong taon gulang at pula ang Tshirt nya (baka birthday).
Habang nagmimisa, nandoon din sya sa isang sulok ng simbahan, nakikilahok sa Sakramentong banal.
Sa aking pag-iisa napangiti ako ng makita ko siyang pumila sa pagkumonyon, may saya sa aking damdamin ang masilayan siyang lumuhod at seryosong nananalangin.
Sa aking pagdarasal aking nabanggit, Panginoon, pakinggan Mo po ang panalangin ng batang ito. Sana sa bawat sandali ng kanyang buhay maramdaman niya ang Iyong pagmamahal at yakapin niya ito ng buo.
Nang matapos ang misa, sinundan ko siya ng tanaw habang palabas ng simbahan.
Inaabanagan ko na lalapit siya sa kanyang nanay o sinuman ang kasama niya, pero humanga ako lalo ng makita ko siyang sumusipul-sipol palabas ng simbahan papunta sa gate, walang kasabay.
Muli kong nabanggit sa king sarili, Lord salamat ha, sa muling pagpapaalala, na ang pagmamahal mo sa akin at ganoon din sa iba. Masaya ako na makita yun ngayon, sa mukha ng isang bata.

exempted

ang qualifications, standards at ideals
ay para lang sa taong
'di mo gusto, ayaw gustuhin at disqualified
kasi pag nag love ka
'di na yun applicable
kasi yung taong mahal mo
siya yung exempted at may immunity
sa standards, ideals at qualifications...

green

tapos na ang summer, nandito na ang tag-ulan.
kulay berde na ang paligid
hay...
naaalala kita
kumusta ka na kaya?
tagal na nating 'di nagkikita
'di na mabilang na dapit-hapon
ganun din na bukang-liwayway...
kelan kaya tayo muling magkakatagpo?
pangarap na--
masilayan ang iyong mukha
masabayan ang iyong mga tawa
makasalo sa hapag-kainan
makakwentuhan ng walang katapusan
malasing ng sabay
maglaitan ng walang sawa
damayan sa iyakan
kasabay magsimba
mangarap sa ilalim ng buwan
hay…
ilang taon na ba?
gaano katagal pa kaya?

Kay ganda ng buwan ngayong gabi
Sana napagmamasdan mo rin...
Sabi ko nga sa buwan--
Ngitian ka ng buong tamis at ibulong sa’yo
“miss na kita green lantern”
♥♥♥

5pm

Sa paglubog ng araw sa dapit-hapon
hayaan ang mga yapak tumungo sa isang sulok ng mundo
upang magnilay at magdasal
sa katahimikan, damhin ang pagmamahal...

Sa malaking silid dasalan
sa hanay ng mga upuan
kagaya ng mga nakaraang araw--
ikaw ay naroon
nag-iisa sa gitna ng karamihan...

Pinagmamasdan kita
habang ikaw ay
taimtim na nagdarasal
ng may malalim na pagmamahal;
binubulong kay Kristo
ang tibok ng iyong puso...

Tapos na ang misa
lumingon uli ako
sa kinaroroonan mo
sa aking isipan...
nasabi ko sa'yo--
bukas uli ha…

Gusto kitang makilala.
Kelan kaya yun?
Sana bukas na...

curious lang ako
kung sino ka?
at baka sakaling gusto mo maging--
Heswita...
hehehe

[para kay Praying Alone, isa sa mga regular 5pm mass goer sa Christ the King Church. Kukuha lang ako ng tyempo, para magpakilala sa'yo.)

007

Today marks my 7th year in the Ateneo....
work and friends
• Joy at work comes from the humble reality that I am one of those who help in the formation of men and women who are Christ-centered, Competent, Persons of Conscience and Compassionately committed to change.
• Co -workers here are not just colleagues but also friends, who journey with me every day. They share in my difficulties and multiply my happiness. They are my support system equally strong as the four pillars.
lessons and wisdom
• Formation work is a continuous journey to be better and to give more, that in doing so, I do not just learn cognitive ideas and useful skills but also important life lessons and more, I come to embrace how to be truly human.

joys and struggles
• The joys that I have are the happy memories that I treasure in my heart--the blessing of good friends, the opportunity to serve and the chance to share in the mission of working for the Primum Regnum Dei.
• The struggles made me more aware of the stirrings within, they taught me to be more discerning, to always decide in freedom and clean conscience.
love and consolations
• Love is fire that lights my passion. It is the air that sustains me. The reason that moves me.
• My heart is grateful for the consolations, graces, blessings and beyond that I received, they are more than what I prayed for.
a journey to magis
My pledge is to embrace life fully and walk in the path, the way and manner that will lead me to the purpose, meaning and reason of my life, my God.
+amdg+
In thanksgiving, I say, to God be the glory.

sunday's best

Dear God, please bless all mothers, specially mine. Thank you so much for their great love, constant presence and gentle hands that unceasingly love and nurture us. They have shown and shared to us generosity, endurance and strength through their comforting words and unparalleled support that motivate and inspire us in our endeavors. May we (their children) make them proud and happy for they are our inspiration. And through our simple ways, may we make they feel that they are loved beyond measure and they are irreplaceable in our lives. Amen.

mama, without powers and magic you are the best heroine in my life.♥♥♥

call

for more than a month already, this is my welcome song at sunshine, closing song at sunset and lullaby at moonlight.... there are stories behind the sounds, thoughts in between lines and heartbeats as it bring butterflies in my heart...

it started out as a feeling
which then grew into a hope
which then turned into a quiet thought
which then turned into a quiet word

and then that word grew louder and louder
'til it was a battle cry

i'll come back
when you call me
no need to say goodbye

just because everything's changing
doesn't mean it's never
been this way before

all you can do is try to know
who your friends are
as you head off to the war

pick a star on the dark horizon
and follow the light

you'll come back
when it's over
no need to say good bye

now we're back to the beginning
it's just a feeling and now one knows yet
but just because they can't feel it too
doesn't mean that you have to forget

let your memories grow stronger ans stronger
'til they're before your eyes

you'll come back
when it's over
no need to say good bye

{this song also goes to the 3 bachelors that i have been blessed to share a beautiful friendship for the last 2 years. God bless you and i will surely miss having you around.tc)

friday*

My week had been perfect until Mr.Bomb told me the news.
I was disappointed; I was expecting to hear the opposite of it.
But I am more saddened by the fact that he can’t explain why.
The day went through with my heart processing in silence the confusion within.
Hearing the mass did not appease the turmoil inside me.
I can’t find someone to talk to, everyone is busy.
I went to centro hoping that change of air will make me feel better.
To no avail, nothing different happened.
The solitary dinner gave me some sort of comfort but anxiety within lingers.

I decided to have an early night.
While on my way home, I received a text message from Drama King inviting me for a cup of coffee (his treat)
Whoa! What a surprise…
In our designated meeting place, I saw two friends with their bright smiles amidst the pouring rain.
I vowed my head in silent prayer of thanksgiving – Thank you God for sending not just one angel but two of your best ones.

We had ice cream as I poured out my heart. I felt better after sharing my thoughts. I knew I was not alone I was blessed to have two angels with their hidden wings and loving hearts embracing me with the warmth of friendship.
To celebrate the night, we had a bucket full of buko juice, talking, discussing stories and sharing thoughts about our future plans.

It dawned on me the reality that in few weeks time we will go separate ways, but I’m deeply happy for having them as my friends, I must have done something good for God to allow me to have friends like them.

Drama King and Running Warrior, thank you—my Friday angels. ♥♥♥

ayAW

ayokong lumipas ang mga oras
gusto ko manatili ang bawat sandali
pwede bang hindi umusad ang mga araw
hindi dumating ang bukang liwayway
hindi sumapit ang dapit-hapon
at hindi masilayan ang sinag ng buwan.

gusto ko ang ngayon...
hindi ka akin pero ikaw ay nandyan
hindi hawak ang iyong mga kamay
pero malapit at abot-tanaw
hindi pag-aari ag iyong puso
pero alam ang pakiramdam.

konting panahon pa,
muli na namang mabibiyak ang aking puso
ulit mararanasan ang kawalan at pagkabigo
dahil
sa nalalapit mong paghakbang palayo.

(isang malungkot na tula, katha ang isang kaibigan na nasa gitna ng isang madramang proseso ng usaping puso. Salamat Hope Green sa pagbabahagi ng tula at kwento, hangad ko ang iyong kaligayahan. Nandito lang ako ♥)

♥

Ang puso na may wagas na pag-ibig at tunay na nagmamahal hindi napapagod. Handa nitong ipagdiwang ang lahat ng bagay nang mapagpalaya at hindi makasarili. Bukas na magtaya sa kaligayahan at pagkalubos ng kabuunan ng minamahal. Hindi ito manhid sa pagsakit at paghihirap subalit sa kadakilaan ng pagmamahal may lakas ito at tiwala. Tanggap na ang kapalaran ng pagmamahal at nasa kamay ng Bathala at ang gawa ay nasa pagbibigay ng buong sarili sa minamahal. Nagnanais ito ng paglago ng pagkatao, paglalim ng pananaw sa buhay at pagyakap ng buo sa damdamin.
Marami ang nagnanais at naghahagad ng tunay na pag-ibig, ngunit minsan, ito ay mailap. Marahil kailangan talagang maghintay, magpagod at magtiyaga upang maging kapakipakinabang at nararapat sa espesyal na biyaya.

Amen

Salamat sa walang sawang pagmamahal
walang katapusang pagyakap ng pag-ibig mo sa akin
hindi sapat ang salitang mahal rin kita
kung gaano ako kasaya na minamahal mo ako.

Ikaw, Kristo ang aking Panginoon
ngayon at magpakaylanman.
Amen.

[a moment of consolation
16th Vocation Week Celebration
Ateneo de Naga University]

HIGH jumps!

my 2010's story.
completed part of my bucket list.
obtained through God's grace.

The Roadruns. Countless morning joggings, 7 fun runs, 1 national race and 1 international marathon. Increase in endurance, changes in ptr, extended distance (up to 14km stretch!), healthier body, happier mind and freeier heart. I clamor for more!
My running mates: Achi Mya, Dancing Mafia, Master Runner, Running Warrior, Rising Star, Discerning Eaglet, Ball Dribble and others. My Twin Towers, who asked me to my first run 10 years ago.
Starbucks, my third place. Welcome to Naga and stay forever. Countless starbucks memories. Heartfelt kwentong starbucks. 16 stickers. Beautiful planner. Expanding tumbler collection. Coffee treats. Trade secrets. Hearty laughs. Treasured friendships. Genuine connections. Love. Love. Love.
Table stories. delicious food and happy company.Laughter and burps. Food trips. Pig outs. Tea sessions. Night dates. Breakfast meals.Photoshoots. Durian ice cream. Corned beef. Hot calamansi honey tea. Cinnamon swirl. Lychee jelly. Tsinong talong. Pancit guisado. Mocha java frost. Palabok. OMG crispy pata. Gambasetti. Buko Juice. Bunch of lunch. Wowchow. Toasted Siopao. Asado Mami. Sili ice cream. Sizzling chicken. TCB. Shakeys. Molino Grill. Karlos. Coldshack. Beanbag. Musicbox. Coffee&Co. Coko Cafe. Red Platter. Mama's Kitchen.
Travels. Road trips to undiscovered lands, seas, mountains, falls and caves of Bicol. Manila mania. Baguio homecoming. Palawan paradise. Calaguas explore. Caramoan adventure. Albay escape. CamNorte drive. Sorsogon discovery and more! pack your bags, travel mates. Let's go!
The Big Bangs. AdNU at 70. Devotion to Ina at 300. Birthdays. Weddings. Family affairs. House parties. Glamour, beauty,shine, bloom, linger.
Heart connections. Witches (happier-stronger @14 years—more kids and warlocks to come!), Computer Wizard and (welcome back to my life) and Dream Team (together!), Hairbrush (more coffee breaks), Foursome (thank you for the prayer sundates, XOXO) SuperB at old friends (im happy to grow old with you) Residents of Pooh -old and new(my heart finds home in you) Achi Mya and the Boys*(buko juice, runs, strawberry fields and beyond-eat, pray, run! Gracias ♥♥♥)Tropa (for the discoveries, affirmations, heart leaps and hangovers). ; Fb & fs (across the world)
My Moon and Stars. Original sunshine (for the light even during rainy days); Summer (Thank you for your love); George (you never cease to surprise me).Bok (through the years, thank you for holding my hands) Mr. Heart String (next time you ask, my answer is yes.) Angel Gabriel (thank you moonlight, you always make my heart happy.) Beyond the fleeting seasons and mysteries of life—thank you for bringing beautiful sparks in my heart.
My Lovelines. Beyond distance and changing times your love and support made me see the beauty in simplest thing, the joy in the plainest gesture and the graces in the ordinary. To the moon and back I love you too much.
Moontime. Moments of solitude, to listen to the stirrings within. Days of retreat and prayer, to look into the greatness in nothingness and emptiness in perfection. Time alone--to explore, to cry, to laugh, to forgive, to be thankful, to be naughty, to be nice, to dream, to win, to lose, to risk. To live and love.
My God. His eyes, looking at me. His hands, embracing me. His heart, loving me. I received many blessings, sacrificed some. I experienced abundance of happiness, endured some pains. For everything that You gave me, all of me is yours, my Lord.

365.25 days of beautiful life!♥♥♥

Saturday joy

Sa pagsapit ng ika 7 taon ng aming pagkakaibigan. Natupad na rin ang matagal na naming Christmas wish, ang paghahandong ng--Christmas joy.

•3 sabado ng gift giving sa mga napiling mahihirap na pamilya, lalo na sa mga munting bata. Simpleng programa na magsimula sa Christmas story, merienda at pamamahagi ng mga regalo.
•10 friends, pagkakaibigan, ang dahilan ng aming samahan at pagmamahalan.( Mr. and Mrs. Nice Brat, Rich O, My Heart, Fidodido, Eyes Baby,Cadbury Girl, Mr. and Mrs. Sweet Things at Heartbeat)

•2 beloved children, si Baby Genius (anak nina Mr. and Mrs. Nice Brat) at si Little Queen (anak nina Mr. and Mrs. Sweet Things). Sila ang aming inspirasyon.
•10,000.00 piso ang aming naipon mula sa potluck, pambili ng pamaskong handog.
•3 full tanks of gasoline, ang mauubos sa 3 beses na Christmas joy.
•3 barangay, na lubos na mahirap, nasa tabing dagat, walang ilaw, walang tubig at communication signal. Puno ng pag-asa, nais bahaginan ng munting saya.
•96 espesyal na regalo ang naipon at binalot.
•40 families ang napiling pagbigyan.(Isang munting parol at isang balde ng grocery)
•55 kids ang ninais handugan ng mga simpleng regalo (munting laruan, payak na tsinelas at simpleng damit)
•60 merienda packs, pang alis ng gutom at pandagdag aliw.

One Christmas, one friendship, one hope, one joy and one love.Thank you loving God for the gift of Christmas. For the blessings we received and for giving us generous hearts that are willing to give.

waiting shed

Ilang beses na ba akong tumayo
at nanatili pansamantala dito?
Nagbakasakali na may dumaaang sasakyan
patungo sa paroroonan
at meron pang bakanteng upuan.

Gaano ba katagal?
Anong sasakyan kaya?
Alin kaya mauna?
Saan kaya ang punta?

Ang daming pwedeng pag pilian--
Sasakay na ba ako sa unang dumaan?
o mag babakasakaling maghintay
baka mas maganda ang sunod na dadaan?
Sa pagmamadali at paghahabol ng oras--
Sasakay na ba ako kahit puno
at matitiyagang magbyahe ng nakatayo?
o manatiling maghintay sa susunod na sasakyan
baka may bakanteng upuan?
Sa paglalakbay at paglandas ng daan--
Patungo sa paroroonan
Ayos lang ban a mag isa
o mas mainam na man kasama?


okey lang ako dito sa waiting shed ng buhay,
ingat ka din sa iyong paglalakbay.
kita tayo sa buwan, angel gabriel.